Thursday, October 29, 2009

2009 Fuerza Malbec


How come more people don't lampoon shitty wine? That's a question that I'm struggling with. In many ways, I think it's more entertaining and amusing to just totally rip on a terrible bottle of wine. There's a lot of crap out there, but it seems like no one bothers. Regular wine reviews are generally formulaic--nose, mouth, color, texture, points--you're done. (There are, of course, exceptions--The Dirty South's new scale is ridiculously hilarious--101.85 Silent Ferret Whistle!) We can't all be like that though. Most people get a kick out of watching someone take a crazy fall on You Tube...I think. How come no repository of reviews of shit wines? Seriously--are people afraid that they're going to offend someone? Are people embarrassed at their poor taste (most wine people seem to be a bit cocky with the good vs. bad thing--me included)? Do people just not want to waste their time? Is there too much crappy wine out there for consideration? I'd like to know...

The 2003 offering was one of the lamest wines that I've had in the last year, and they have a new vintage of it at Trader Joes. It was picked up with hopes of three things: 1. A good Malbec offering at Trader Joes, 2. It might be better, since the alcohol has gone from 15% to a more reasonable 13.5%. 3. I had a fair share of comments on the 03 Fuerza earlier in the year, a few of which told me "you're crazy this wine is great" (It's actually the first time that I remember anyone really commenting here.) and I was kind of thinking that maybe I should give it another shot, just to be fair.

I'm sorry to say that I did. This wine is absolute shit. It literally tastes like watery Kool-Aid mixed with vodka. It's mind-bendingly bad. I'll go out on a limb and say that Two Buck Chuck is better since it's total crap but it's only 2$ instead of 5$. It's the vinous equivalent of this Lyndsay Lohan Tattoo. It's trying really hard to twinkle. Look! I'm in a screw-cap, with a cool label! There's a little man trying to see what's behind the curtain! So exciting. Except that it isn't. Absolutely terrible. On the Dirty South Wine scale, this is a 101.00 Drunken Rabid Possum Roadkill Sandwich. F

3 comments:

CabFrancoPhile said...

Sweet, I have a bottle of the 101.85 Silent Ferret Whistle rated Lapierre Morgan.

Jeff said...

I had the 06 of the Lapierre shortly before I started this site. It was great. Definitely a 101.85 Ferret Whistle.

Tricerapops said...

the DSW rating system is indeed hilarious.

as for the question you pose - personally i am too lazy to go off on how bad a wine is beyond my normal 'this wine is lacking' and/or coupled with, 'for the price, this wine certainly doesn't work for me'. it's just pure laziness on my part. which is why i appreciate it when guys like you lay it on the line - keep fighting the good fight!